The Search for Home

That couldn't be! There was no page ripped out as far as I could see either, but the conclusion, the explanation, the solution, that was missing. I left the book lying on the desk and sat down onto a big chair and began pondering. Where was this place, the book was talking about? Why did the whole content touch me in the very core of my soul.

Why did I find this book just right now? And why was there this feeling that it was the BOOK finding ME?

It had been a hot day, that I did spend working in my office on a map of the surroundings of Kettin city. Now that the sun sat down and the air outside was cooling down I decided to take a leisurely walk through the Bazaar of Phatep, looking at the wares appraised by loud shouting merchants. 'MAGICAL AND RARE JEWELRY" I heard to my left. "THE FINEST AND SHARPEST WEAPONS IN THE REALMS", it sounded in from the right. "THICK AND LIGHT LEATHER ARMOUR; PROTECTING YOU FROM SUN AND SWORD" a big, fat merchant shouted right in front of me. "magical scroll, books of forgotten lore, tomes of ancient wisdom?" a voice whispered behind me.

Abruptly turning around, at the far end of the colourful, heavy loaded stands and shouting merchants, an old woman stood behind a small variety of books and archments lying on a crude wooden plank. How could her voice reached my ears, when she was so far away, and all around me big chested men were shouting at a deafening volume ? Somehow she managed to, drawing my attention to her and the papers on the stand. Even from here I could see the faint blue glow of some of the books, indicating their inherent magic. At once I began to make my way through the crowded bazaar, my height (or NOT height) and agility being of great advantage. As I reached the outskirts of the bazaar neither the old woman nor the wooden plank with the tomes and papers were to be seen anywhere.

Dazzled I stood there, my sight and mind focused to the place where moments before this mysterious stand loaded with unknown wisdom had been. A traveller passing by nearly knocked me over and brought me back to reality. blinking a last time I began to wander eastwards, heading back to my clanhall at the other side of the Kithan range. Passing through the city gates I stood rooted to the spot as in the distance I saw the figure of an old woman, carrying a big bag over her left shoulder. I quickened my pace but I seemed to come not a single step nearer to her. Right before the temple of flame, she disappeared behind a curve. Reaching it I discovered a small tome, lying on the floor, waiting for me. I took a few deep breaths, looking down at the worn down leather book cover. I quickly put the tome into my backpack and began to search the temple of flame for the righteous owner of it, but the old woman was nowhere to be found. After spending the whole evening of questioning the nomad worshippers as well as searching the mines of Kithan I entered my clanhall and immediately withdrew into my office, exhausted falling onto my big cushions and into deep sleep.

Waking up like that was an unpleasant feeling. It had been way too late the day before, but whenever the first sunbeams were tickling my nose I had to sneeze. Standing up I began to wash, reclothe and after a small morning hunt and a breakfast I once again entered my study.

Right in front of me, on my reading desk, an old tome was lying. After closer inspection I recognized it as the tome I found yesterday, when chasing after this old woman. although I couldn't remember taking it out of my backpack and putting it there, my curiosity had already taken over my thoughts. After unwrapping the book out of the worn down leather I began to read, each single sheet faintly in a soft white..

I had to search this place. If it was found anywhere in the realms, I would find it. The author promised it to be more than just a place where you are happy to be. It's more than just comfortable. More than a place where you lean back and relax when you are tired, more than a place were you go to cheer up when you are sad. More than a place where you get rid of anger, more than a place where you take joy in companionship. Once I thought, the Dawnbringers, my family, were this place to me, but this tome and the words written in black ink inside have convinced me a better.

Dropping down onto my pillows, I trembled with anticipation of the next day to come, when I would set out, for the search of this mysterious place.

Wiggling my nose in the first sunbeams of dawn I quickly was ready to journey out and begin my search. Locking my office door I turned around and wandered through the clanhall once more. It had been my home for ages now, and I still was hoping, that entering the next and then the next room, would fill me with the feeling, that I already had found this place that perfectly fitted me. As I stood at the entrance portal, I sighed deeply and without turning around ventured off heading towards Windy Bluff. With every step I took I was pondering where I should start my search. where would the entrance to such a place be hidden? Upon reaching town square I stood still for a moment, closing my eyes I listen to what my heart would tell. My heart was still aching and empty and I did feel lost more than ever. Turning around on my heel I decided to visit the magic filled Woods of Erin first, for the elves are known for hidden, tranquil and peaceful places.

But right at the very moment when I entered the woods, I had the feeling that I as wrong here. Actually not totally wrong, but that the place I did search was not hidden in these woods. Yet I almost was intended to linger for a while as the sunrays, that made their way through the roof of green leaves above me, were dancing on the forest ground and creating a soothing feeling in my heart. Should Varin have been the place, back in times when it was not overrun by the ogres and was named Like the great world forger himself? It sure is worth a try, I thought so I headed over Lake Tilbar and snuck by the ogre pass seller. Inside the city I let my eyes wonder gaze through the streets and over the buildings. There was nothing that felt like home to me. But the humans in the resistance wouldn't give up on this place, so there had to be something special about it. I began to search for the three leaders of the human organisations, dwelling in the city sewers.

The first leader I encountered was Langwi, master builder and leader of the wasps.

"Good Day!" he replied intently looking at me. " you are not an ogre, so, who are you and why have you sought me?"

A bit startled I began to speak again: "I...I am searching for a certain place, a place where you can find your place to be, where..."

Cutting off my sentence Langwi replied with his loud voice: "I don't think I can be of great help there. I already found the place where I belong to. It is this town. Even now that the ogres are rampaging through the streets and I and my friends have to hide themselves, it never lost it's meaning of HOME to me."

A bit dazzled I curtseyed before him and left the sewers. I had no intention to even search for the other two leaders, as his words have cut deep inside me. Without Paying much attention on the direction I was walking I headed out of the east gate of Varin, Langwi's words rotating inside my head.

"Welcome to the city of Kettin, stranger!", the gate guard greeted me, bringing me back to reality. I nodded to the guard and entered the city. I headed straight to the town square before the palace, smirking to myself, that I found my way around the streets of the realm even in this absent minded state of being.

Home, I thought once more. Which place had the meaning of Home to me? The fortress of light was my place of refugee, the place of my family and me, but It was not the HOME Langwi had been talking about.

ELSIN. Before my eyes the beautiful city of the glandar, my hometown appeared. Certainly there I would find this perfect place, the place where I belong to. IF I could find it....

Suddenly I realised, that hardly anyone had been able to visit the city. It had been hidden, protected or captivated, by magic powers beyond mortals reach. Anyways, I had to try. There was a fire burning inside me now to go home. Washing my face and arms, I took a drink from the fresh water of Kettin's fountain and concentrated on my magic powers, regenerating them. Knowing of the dangers lying before me on Pardor Pass I recited my dearest protecting spells, finishing with creating a ring of fire, shielding me of the attacks. After that I made my way out of the west gate of Kettin and quickly headed north.

I could already feel the presence of him, but I hadn't seen him up to now. But as his backstab was missing my body I felt a fireball released from the ring of fire around me, flying back at the assassin. I turned around awaiting his oncoming assault, tried to parry and dodge his thrusts and at the same time searching for a place on his body to get a successful stab through myself. The assassin managed to hit me twice into my left shoulder, but seemed to regret it at the very moment, as two fireballs were unleashed hitting him right into his chest. With a gesture of my hand I released a fireball myself sending his bleeding body to the ground. I bandaged my wounds for the time being and proceeded on my way towards Elsin.

In near distance I could already hear the growl of wolves. So I slowed down and tried to scan further down the road with my scrying abilities. There they stood, three big bloodthirsty wolves, waiting for a victim to feast on. They would have bad luck today, for I was not in the mood of being eaten. I concentrated my thoughts again on recollection lost magic powers and stood up as I was finished. The fire ring around me flickered shortly and disappeared with a fresh breeze blowing over the pass. But I wouldn't need it this time anyway. I walked forward, nearing the wolves carefully. Right in the moment their fine noses had encountered my presence, I stood still, my mind focusing on a great share of magic powers lying within me. Just as the first one was trying to sink his teeth into my chest I unleashed the magic within me, creating a nova that sent all three wolves into the eternal hunting fields. After a few moments I recovered from this exhausting spell and with the pace of wanderer already seeing his goal I walked down the path.

Another curve, I thought. It must be behind the next turn of the path. Right there behind the tree.....but as I reached the tree, I was looking onto a dead end. The path just ended here, a valley of grass stretching out before me. Where once had been my hometown, there was nothing now, or was that just an illusion? As I tried to go straight into the meadow, I suddenly couldn't move onwards anymore. The harder I tried to go further, the heavier got my limbs. The whole afternoon I unpacked my whole magic repertoire, examining and experimenting with all my wisdom, but to no avail. Elsin remained hidden and closed to me.

Exhausted and drained of hope I sat on the ground. What was I doing here? Where was home for me? Where did I belong to? Soul broken I stood up and spoke a few magic syllables that brought me near to Tatianna's temple. With my head hanging down I searched shelter under the meeting tree of Tatianna's followers and curled myself up in the warm and dry moss at it's roots.

Before I could finish my answer, a bright flash blinded my eyes. As my sight returned I was standing in front of a mirror, wearing my ceremonial robes of the day when I joined the Da'Sha circle. Memories flooded my mind, as this day was the beginning of my journey out of Elsin and into the realm. Then the mirror's surface blurred and I saw myself floating through the fortress of light. Almost my whole family, even those who have left up to now, was sitting in a big circle, telling stories, fooling around, sharing some food and flagons of wine and a big portion of laughter. I sat down and shared a story of myself with them. A little later I saw myself holding my aching stomach as Revtal and Veltar were brotherly-friendly quarrelling, presenting their comedian talents. I felt great. I felt like belonging here.

The scene in the mirror changed and suddenly I saw the gnome tower standing before me. As every time I could not resist to enter and once again explore this wonders-filled place I had spent many days in. My curiosity took over as I inhaled the familiar smell of this old building. I began searching for ancient inscriptions, hidden rooms, magical object; I visited some of the old inhabitants and was not surprised but delighted that this time, like anytime, there was something new to find out. I felt comfortable, my surge of knowing all well fed. I felt like belonging here. I saw myself stepping through a large door and suddenly the mirror showed me standing in the heartwoods. A wood giant passed by me, hardly touching the trees, breaking not a single branch. I sat down breathing in the soothing scent of the trees and wildflowers. Listening to the chirping of the birds hidden up in the trees I began to relax. I felt secure here, save from all dangers, far away from any pain. I felt like belonging here.

Closing my eyes I took another deep breath of the pleasant wood-aroma and opened my eyes wide in shock as it turned out to be an awful stinking smell. The mirror showed me standing in a big damp cave. Right in front of me two trollish soldiers were beating up a helpless human prisoner. Outraged by such a sight I ran screaming out loud into this unbalanced battle, sending bolts of acid onto the trolls. My bolts left them lying on the floor, greatly wounded and unconscious. I quickly turned my attention to the woman lying on the floor, bleeding herself from many wounds. I closed my arms around her and hid us both under a magical blanket of invisibility. Then I dragged her a bit further into an remote tunnel and created a magic portal. Stepping through Rhysyn, the druid healer, looked up from meditation, nodded at me and immediately began to take care of the rescued prisoner. I felt great, my anger was soothed and the joy of successful having saved a life filled my soul. I felt like I was belonging to her.

The mirrors surface blurred and my vision as well. I had to sit down not to fall over. When I regained balance and sight I was sitting on a peak of Pardor Range. Although it was night, I could see far in every direction. I could see Erinswood and the Lake Tilbar beside, shimmering in the moonlight. I could see the lights of Windy Bluff and Eria to the west. Behind that the Kithan range seems to invite me over to one of it's peaks and enjoy the vista from there. To my southeast the lights of the cities of Kettin and Aina were twinkling into the night. Far out on the sea I could even make out the beaches of Barude, with crabs and seagulls sleeping in the sand. To the northeast I spotted the wild vegetation of Jungle Morgaz, in contrast to the uniformity of the stepped of Kuln to the northwest.

To the north, a bright shimmering star was hovering over the temple of Tatianna, where I could see lying myself under the meeting tree, peacefully sleeping...

I woke and sat up leaning against the tree. I was feeling good, I was happy again, for I had found the place the book was describing. I did knew now the answer to the question. I stood up and walked over to the fountain. I took a long sip, washed my hands and face and rearranged my clothing. Then I stepped into the temple's altar room and knelt down. As I was to begin uttering a prayer the stargoddess Tatianna herself arrived before me.

"Greetings Fenaly, she replied. "I see your heart and soul is freed from the heavy load weighing on you."

"I am happy to report that I found my home now, my place of being", I announced with a smile on my face.

"I belong here!, I replied proudly. "I belong to the realm, the valleys and the mountains, the forests and the plains all together form my homeland. I am happy here, I feel comfortable here. It is a place where I lean back and relax when I am drained, a place that cheers me up when I am sad. It's my place to get rid of anger and the best place to take joy in companionship. It is the perfect place to be, it is my HOME."

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